he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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