Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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