I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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