My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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