Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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