oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
that's an acceptable place to lick
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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