I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
