he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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