So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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