MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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