I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
