If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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