She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
