So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
