Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
