is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
