My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
