Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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