I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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