Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Do vagina's smell?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
