so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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