It's like God shit irony all over that family
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
