i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
