I want to stick my p in your. b.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
