just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
