'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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