i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
