i wish starbucks made bloody marys
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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