he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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