Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
