But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
soo... how was my night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
