community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
