For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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