Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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