my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
