Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
