Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
