omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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