walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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