On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Im part way to drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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