I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
