Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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