No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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