So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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