i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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