I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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