I seem to have left my pride at pride
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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