I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
