ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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