So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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