When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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