please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
