He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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