this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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