i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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