I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
