I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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