i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
