Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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