Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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