It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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