I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
