We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
