i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
