I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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