Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
