I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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