I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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