I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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