Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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