so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
