remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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