Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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