i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
